Unreal.  Sweden has just become the first major* country to open an embassy in Second Life.

“The embassy is now open to the public and offers a smorgasbord of impressions to anyone interested in Sweden,” said the Swedish Institute, which was behind the project.  “The new embassy will employ about 100 of our country’s genetically flawless young men and women, allowing geeks and nerds to be rejected by hotties in an entirely new, virtual realm.”

Yeah, I made up the last bit.  I think it is absolutely insane how much buy-in Second Life is getting.  Large companies, from food/beverage to automotive, have set up elaborate shops.  And now, entire nations!  Granted, Second Life has close to 4.6 million users.  However, only about 1.6 million have actually logged in in the last 60 days (stats from March 2007).  I completely understand companies like game makers, the Sci-Fi Channel, et al being there, but Sweden?

* Maldives opened their Second Life embassy one week earlier.  Frickin’ Maldives!  What the hell is going on?!  Of course, considering the nation will probably be entirely underwater in 50 years, it might be a good move.  When chided about being beat out, a visibly pissed off Carl Bildt (Swedish Foreign Minister) responded, “They knew we were making an embassy, then quickly rushed to get theirs done first.  If you want my opinion, Maldives are a bunch of atolls!”  Hey-ooo!  Is this thing on?

First it was T-Mobile’s “cougar” ad.  And now, following in their footsteps is a funny new commercial from LifeSavers on the “muffin top”. 

For those few of you that haven’t heard this term or sorted it out from context, the muffin top is the fat that hangs over the waistline when a woman wear pants that are too tight and midriff-exposing shirts.  I would imagine it can also apply to men, but society generally refers to men who wear cut-off tees to expose their midriffs by different terms  - “queen”, “flamer”, etc.

I would expect to see more ads forthcoming of the Urban Dictionary variety.  After all, you really don’t have to come up with anything funny on your own - just pick a funny term and build 30 seconds around it.

Durex has a great campaign going on right now with their “ProposeTheRing.com”.  Great commercial and website tie-in.  As to how good the product is, don’t know.  Mine are on order… but this isn’t a product review site anyway. :)

Ads from the contraceptive and sex toy industry must be a lot of fun to make.  I mean, with other products (Eclipse gum, anyone?), ad agencies must always weigh their desires to go a bit risque against the possible backlash from the “Moral Majority” - you know, the ones responsible for our young men and women dying in Iraq, US refusal to sign the Kyoto protocol, and our crushing national budget deficit - the “good, values-centered” people of this great nation.

Fortunately, the sex industry is free from this worry.  “Good, values-centered” women probably have husbands who also ”walk in His Light”, which means strapping on a vibrating cock ring is out of the question.  (This massive wave of sexual frustration throughout our Heartland and South probably explains why these women are waiting for their treasures in the next life, eh?)

The ProposeTheRing.com website is really well done and worth a look.  On the one hand you have this classy looking design with your typical blue-blood-diamond-commercial classical music in the background.  Juxtaposed to that, though, is this ridiculous-sounding guy (Gunther the Tra-la-la guy?) making smarmy comments as you click.  Oh yeah, and the site’s about a cock ring.  So I suppose that might serve to “juxtapose” as well.  Bringing it all together is some brilliantly done copy.

I unfortunately can’t find a digital version of the ad.  If anyone has it, please send.  However, I did find a stand-in that will serve a dual purpose.  I’m in hopes that it not only stands in for the ProposeTheRing one (the two are actually quite similar), but also serve as evangelist-repellant.  This site has unfortunately become a bit infested as of late.  I really don’t know why.  So I’m hoping this much more over-the-top ad and pics of cock rings will serve as a sort of “Deep Woods Off”!

I would like to dedicate this post to “Sasha B”.  Friday evening, she became the first to post a comment on this site!  Congratulations to Sasha!  She had some astute observations regarding the the “Eclipse bisexuals” post.  An excerpt:

I am so sad that America has come to this. Promotion of promiscuity and bi-sexuality is disgusting and sinful. We are all sinners. The perversion of sex is just a sin, just as when I lose my temper and get upset is a sin. God can forgive us our sins, if we confess we have sinned, and accept his forgiveness. God sent His Son Jesus to die and take the punishment for our sins. Please accept His love, and…. find a church that teaches the Bible. My heart breaks for you, God has something wonderful planned for you if you will seek Him! Get to know Him! I’m praying for you right now. Sorry I can’t leave my email. I keep it private as I need to protect my family. I will check back to see if you leave any comments regarding what I have said. Anyway, just know that God has so much better things for you if you will learn to listen to His voice! In Christ’s love, and because I feel compelled to speak where I would normally just be quiet, an anonymous messenger breaking for a broken world.

Jesus.. about to hook up the threesome.  “Father, I don’t know where these two bitches came from, but thank you!“

Sasha, I thank you for your prayers.  If you could tell the Lord Jesus (or his divine messengers, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny) that I’m still waiting on the harem of bisexual women.. oh, but thank them for the 22-year-old Cuban girl last night with the sexy accent and the “Cubans Do It Better” babydoll-T that chose to help me “stay in practice” for the day when I finally do make that commitment, under the auspices of the Lord Jesus Christ, to spend the rest of my life with that special, special group of hot bisexuals, all between the ages of 20 and 26.  God is great.  Amen.

This is the weekend - this is when I post on whatever - I’m about to rant.  Feel free to ignore.  Most of you (again, “most of you” meaning “6 people”) know this, but there may be a couple Sasha’s out there that don’t understand, so let’s have a “come to Jesus” on AdChops.  This is a marketing/advertising review site free-for-all.  It’s just me - one guy - spouting my opinions on stuff.  I do not claim to be any kind of expert.  I do not claim to be an authority on anything.  I am not delivering you the results of focus groups.  I am a lowly ad/marketing veteran dishing out my personal opinions on our ad-saturated world.  I don’t seek consensus - I’m writing because I think I am right - on everything.  However, I don’t pretend to believe that you necessarily think that.  So hopefully, you are at least entertained.  I am not trying to convert anyone to anything.

Ad industry people looking for trends or ideas - I welcome you.  People that just want to know that one song to that one commercial - I welcome you.  People that find my posts mildly amusing - welcome.  But mindless sheep such as yourself, Sasha, Fuck off.  Spouting off bullshit about the “sin of sex” to save my soul, when your religion has been responsible for the murder of millions over the centuries, just makes you a massive fucking hypocrite.  You are full of shit (please see my post, On Bullshit).  Oh and if you really want to get technical, Sasha, God and Mary had premarital sex.  I have not read anywhere in your precious “Book of Fantastically Unbelievable Shit That in No Way Could Have Happened, Nor Is Even Internally Consistent” - or, “Bible” - about God even buying Mary dinner before knocking her up, let alone marrying her.  So, either God is totally down with “promiscuity” or he’s a hypocrite too.

Mary:  “mmm, God, that was awesome.  Wow!  Mind-blowing!  So, what are we doing tomorrow?  I thought we could go down to the farmer’s market and pick up some - “
God: “whoa whoa whoa..What do you think this was?”
Mary: ”well..umm..you said last night that you could see heaven in my eyes.. you said we’d spend eternity together!”
God: “well, technically I wasn’t lying.  But that’s just something we call ‘pillow talk’, baby.  I’m God.  I can’t be tied down right now.  I mean, after drowning all your asses awhile back there’s been all that water damage to clean up, I have a couple more cities that I have to rain down holy, cleansing ‘fire of God’s Wrath’ upon.  I’m already 300 years overdue-”
Mary: {sniff} {sob} “But… I think I’m pregnant!”
God: {poof}

I welcome comments.  Please - readers - go off on my posts.  Let’s throw down.  Tell me I’m on the money.  Tell me I’m waaay off the mark.  But Jesus-freaks and other self-righteous fucks, go to hell.  I have every confidence that, over the long haul, evolution will select against dim-witted evangelists such as yourself and humanity will be rid of you and your “Gays and Lesbians caused the World Trade Center attack” brethren.  Until that wonderful day though, stay the fuck off my website.  Your kind are the AntiChrist… well umm… metaphorically speaking, of course.

Just a quick hit.  Looks like SNL picked up on the German footballer sex toy scandal.  I mentioned it last week sometime.

I’ve heard more than once how certain esteemed business schools have their students read books such as Art of War (<–click for gayness) and The Book of Five Rings (<– psst!  More gayness!) so as to learn how to properly vanquish their future business rivals.  I’m sure Miyamoto and Sun would have a good laugh at this notion, were they alive today.  For on the continuum of courage/honor/manliness, “bushido warrior” and “Harvard Business School graduate” are pretty close to defining the opposing endpoints.  But alas, every person or group seeks to validate itself by any means necessary.  In other words, Harvard profs are spreading on the bullshit.  Thick.  Perhaps they should also be handing out the “philosophical treatise”, On Bullshit by Harry D. Frankfurt.

Business schools are full of shit, but generally possess no self-awareness of that fact.  We of the marketing industry, however, we know better!  Say it proud!  “We are full of shit!”  That may have a negative connotation to many, but I don’t mean to speak of it in that manner.  Let’s face it, our 4th grade social studies teachers taught us that all humans need are food, clothing, and shelter.  And in certain climates (or in nudist colonies), one could even make the case that all we need is food.  So where does that leave the advertiser who’s trying to boost sales of his clients’ hi-def televisions, GPS maps, and Elmo dolls?  Why, spreading on the bullshit, of course.

On Bullshit is brilliant in its autology - not only is it on the subject of bullshit, it is bullshit.  In the book, Dr. Frankfurt (yeah, he’s an actual Doctor of Philosophy) is doing what the Brits refer to as “taking a piss”:  relaying information that borders on the credible, in hopes that wankers like the aforementioned business school students and this reviewer actually believe it, thus making for a great joke for the rest of us.  From the review:

Having a bachelors degree in philosophy [ed: read, “I am a bullshit artist”] I was intrigued…  this is a work of philosophy and as such has a degree of intellectual humor. Some of the observations and comments are funny but overall this is not a joke book, rather it is designed with a specific philosophical purpose… (he’s an “ivy league” Philosophy Professor and published by Princeton)
-Pedram Agharokh

Gotcha, bitch!

I’m starting to ramble as usual, so I’ll sum this up.  The world is simply full of bullshit.  Everyone’s guilty.  And nowhere moreso than in business and marketing.  I still remember conference calls from my ad agency days, being on the phone with an irate client over some minor website problem.  And all I wanted to say was, “Dude, get ahold of yourself.  You sell burgers.“  Dr. Frankfurt’s book is a good read in that, although it’s not “real”, it nevertheless drives home some very real points, and between the lines seems to question the reader, “Hey, are you aware that you and I are both full of it?”  I mean, how awesome is this (from the book):  “I propose to begin the development of a theoretical understanding of bullshit, mainly by providing some tentative and exploratory philosophical analysis.”  Total bullshit.  Brilliant.

So, to marketers:  read the book.  Keep some perspective and have a laugh.  To Pedram Agharokh and the graduating class of Harvard Business School:  I wish you a successful and fulfilling career in the burger industry.

  Can you say, “Management Material”?

Tania Derveaux wants your vote for (Belgian) Senate.  No, I mean really wants your vote..

Upon hearing a challenger promise 400,000 new jobs for Belgium once elected, Ms. Derveaux called “bullshit” and opted to make her own outrageous claim: forty thousand blowjobs over the course of 500 days.  Outstanding!  Obviously a joke, but I’ll give her credit for “selling” the fantasy with an official “Terms of {ahem} ’service’ “ page, which may go down as the funniest TOS I’ve ever read (just an excerpt follows):

Description of Services
The Services consist of Tania performing fellatio on selected individuals who have requested the Services through this form. Travel and other expenses will be covered by NEE…  We adhere to high standards of service but due to time limitations each performance can last no longer than 5 minutes, no exceptions will be made under any circumstance.

General Requirements and Rules of Conduct

Any attempt to influence the depth of insertion by the user will
result in immediate end of service

Tania may deny service for hygiene reasons

 

Now, apart from the inherent and timeless Coolness of a beautiful woman offering blowjobs for votes, I have to commend the printwork of her entire campaign.  Some really provocative (no, not just sexually), artistic pics.  See here for the full, high-res collection.

Beautiful, funny, artistic, politically savvy, and probably has one hell of a sexy accent - I would sooo marry this girl…well, assuming the “40,000 blowjobs” thing is a joke.  I mean, talk about awkwardness at company picnics:

Me:  “Rick, I’d like you to meet my wife–”

Rick: “Tania!!  How are you?!  Congratulations on your win!”

Tania: “Rick..Rick.. oh yeah!  “30,145″!  Good to see you!”

Btw, anyone who knows me or has even read a few posts on this site does not even have to wonder as to whether or not I signed up for a blowie.  I’ll be sure to keep you updated on fulfillment of the TOS.

Found at AdRants

“May the Lord bless and keep the marketing team of Eclipse gum, forever and ever.. amen!”

Why do I love Eclipse gum so much?  Because they just went bi- !

Let me explain.  I love bisexual women.  If you are male, I realize this is like saying “I like food”.  But I take it a step further.  I will only date bisexual women.  I will one day only marry bisexual women.

This preference obviously limits my dating pool.  That’s where this commercial comes in.  Ads are not just a reflection of our culture - they steer it.  And I’m not talking just catch phrases (I still here dumbfucks using “Whasssaaaaap!”).  Starting  1 1/2 - 2 years ago, ad campaigns for all kinds of products started showing unattractive men married to good-looking women (don’t believe me?  Pay attention for the next couple weeks - it’s a conspiracy I tell ya!).  Not insanely hot women, but certainly way out of the guys’ leagues.  Well, I’ve seen a noticeable upswing of “unbalanced” couples (this was a very scientific study) in public.  It’s as if the commercials have sanctioned women dating down physically.  I am not the only one to have noticed this - my ex-gf was always commenting on it. (I’d be interested to know if any of you have noticed this where you live)

And now we have the Eclipse commercial.  Girl eyes another girl’s guy.  Girl goes over and kisses guy.  Girlfriend turns to confront girl, realizes girl is hot and has naughty thought.  Fill-in-your-own-denouement! 

Ladies, you are once again being courted.  First, it was by the “date down” movement.  And now, to “explore your feelings” toward your fellow women.  And this commercial is soooo perfect as the opening salvo.  Like a first-timer in a threesome, it’s all about making her feel comfortable.  In this case, the American public is the new girl, and Eclipse is just giving you a light shoulder rub… ease out that tension!  The waters of the new conspiracy are being tested!

Ad guys, the water’s fine!  Bring on the bisexuals!  Let us answer the call.  Let us be… the Greatest Generation! :)

Ad found at Dhadm

I don’t have kids yet, but I’ve had the occasional “how to raise kids” discussion with various friends and acquaintances.  And I guess I’m the AntiChrist of modern times, for I plan to spank my kids.  My parents spanked me maybe 5-10 times total during my childhood (oh, and add one hell of a good slap across the face by my mom when I was 15) - always as a last resort.  But you know what?  I bet I deserved every damned one of them.

But spanking and other forms of letting your kids know when they’ve fucked up has been replaced over the last 20-25 years.  Now it’s all about positive reinforcement, rationalizing with your child and, if they’ve really been bad, a “timeout”.  To all you child psychologists out there, I would at this time like to say “thank you”.  Thank you for giving us a generation of narcissistic pussies.

Childhood in recent decades has been defined by such stroking — …by soccer coaches who give every player a trophy, by schools that used to name one “student of the month” and these days name 40….

the culture of praise is reaching deeply into the adult world. Bosses, professors and mates are feeling the need to lavish praise on young adults, particularly twentysomethings, or else see them wither under an unfamiliar compliment deficit.

Employers are dishing out kudos to workers for little more than showing up.

 

Paris, used to her parents’ discipline,
had to be pried off the wall from her self-imposed
“timeout” and ushered into the squad car

I’m sure our grandparents are rolling in their graves.  Again from the article: “the Scooter Store Inc… has a staff “celebrations assistant” whose job it is to throw confetti — 25 pounds a week — at employees”.  I mean, can you believe this shit?  I have witnessed this trend with my own eyes.  My last place of employment had “Raving Fan” awards, wherein workers filled out little slips of paper telling a coworker how much they kicked ass.  After months of refusing to participate, I was actually pulled into the office by my boss and “put on a plan” to up my Raving Fan output.  I felt like I was in that scene from Office Space and being told to wear more flair.

So, to the point of my longwindedness.  Marketing is all about trying to find the push buttons of particular demographics.  Beer-drinking, football-on-Sundays guys are motivated by a Hemi;  soccer moms, with airbags.

Well, you now have your trigger for the “Most Pansified Generation”.  To hell with features, financing options, etc.  Just make sure you tell them how truly special and unique they are!  And stock up on the confetti.

When a friend of mine sent me a link to the Nutty Buddy, I thought he was alerting me to a new candy bar on the market, not a video of a man getting a 100 mph fastball to the groin.

Oh thank heavens.  Someone finally invented a piece of plastic to be worn over the groin so as to protect oneself during sports.  I will grant them this though - they win for most ridiculously-named cup.  And what other cup manufacturer out there also offers up “The Boys” as a socially acceptable way to simulate testicle fondulation in the workplace?

I’ve been a soccer goalkeeper for about 20 years now - I’ve had more kicks to the nuts than your most hardcore tamakeri fetishist.  And somehow my $5 cup has brought me through to reproductive age.  So, I don’t see much reason to spend $57 on one.

I think their better marketing angle is:  “See a hillbilly take a 100mph fastball to the groin for 25 cents”.  Now that will make some money.

Thanks to David G for the find.