I’m digging on the new series of spots by Burger King for their Western Whopper.  Here’s the “sorority blondes” one.

Burger King has just been rockin’ it for a couple years now with their advertising.  McDonald’s goes for gay-ass family-oriented stuff that is utterly tame - I’m trying to think of a McDonald’s spot right now and can’t come up with even one.  They are that forgettable.  Well, I guess they have the clown, but he’s just fucking creepy.  Does anyone else get a “pedophile vibe” from Ronald McDonald?  I expect Chris Hansen to walk in on those commercials at any moment.

Anyway, for awhile BK was lock-step with them - but then came The King!  He is one weird fucking dude, and the commercials have revolved around that weirdness.  And people love weird (well, I do, anyway).  The King, breaking tackles and rushing for the end zone.  The King, laying in your bed when you wake up, handing you a whopper.  The King, dancing a jig as people all over the country start growing handlebar moustaches.  Weird is good.  And memorable.  Stick with the King, BK!  I’m lovin’ it!  Umm, I mean..

Thanks (again!) to Stuart for sending the vid.

This is a slight diversion from normal Adchops fare, but sometimes I read something interesting enough that I feel the need to share it.  Men’s Health online currently has a very good article about desire and pleasure, called The Addicted Man.

In a way, it really does apply to the advertising world.  There’s of course the obvious correlation - advertising is all about creating desire - manufacturing want.  But it’s deeper than that.  Advertising folks aren’t like accountants.  The goals of marketing campaigns bleed over into the lives of their creators.  Yes, advertising certainly has its element of self-important douchebaggery, but the industry certainly does have its sex appeal.  It’s a fast-paced, keep-up-with-what’s-new industry that often calls to a certain element attracted to that lifestyle.  More than once I’ve been asked to come out with clients to show them the local sites; by the end of the night, “local sites” invariably ended up meaning Candy’s tits and ass in your face at a local strip club.  Advertising can be a sexy, hedonistic, depraved world.  And I loved every minute of it. :)

We are all addicted.  Don’t think that because you are not drinking at 10am or doing rails of blow off a stripper’s ass, you are entitled to judge.  Sitting down in front of a TV every night is addiction.  Eating another Big Mac when your fat ass is already 30 pounds overweight is an addiction. Nightly Bible Study? Addiction.  The Addicted Man is a well-written, insightful article into what makes us all tick.

I’m not sure how I feel about this one - it’s Trojan’s “Evolve” campaign. 

I mean, I like the ad.  And I wouldn’t doubt that it resonates with many women as well.  But I think when a woman says “men are pigs”, they’re probably referring to them trying to get laid, making sexist remarks, etc.  I truly doubt it’s a condom issue.

So we’ve got Pig at the bar, chatting up a woman.  Eyes glued to the chest, buying her a drink, or ten, telling her what he’s going to do to her tonight.  And then he goes into the men’s room and buys a rubber from a wall dispenser.  Now he’s a tit-oggling, suggestive date-rapist with a condom!  Go get him, ladies!

Thanks to Stuart for the link.

This post title is fucking annoying, isn’t it?  Seeing the word “shop” 10 times in a row?  Oh it gets worse.  Check out the flashy-light, schizophrenic, W.A.S.P.-dancing massive clusterfuck that is the new ad by Shopzilla.

I don’t know where to even start.  Ok, first, “Shopzilla”.  Shopzilla folks, even the very name of your company sucks.  It suckszilla.  See?  See how stupid putting “zilla” on the end of something is?  There is room for only one “zilla” on this planet, and that would obviously be the original: Godzilla.  I shall pray every morning for the sweet, sweet irony of Godzilla coming to your town and destroying your company headquarters.

Now, for the commercial.  I have covered music in ads quite a bit on this site.  It’s such an easy thing to do, really.  Somehow, though, y’all fucked it up.  People hate disco.  And not just everyone who wasn’t part of the era.  No, even people from that era look back and think, “What the hell was I thinking back then?”  So, you have taken song that everyone hates, and then had a bunch of soulless studio musicians - from whatever circle of Hell that gave us musak and Kenny G - sing a new version of the song, replacing the word “shake” with “shop”.  Fucking genius.

But no!  You weren’t done!  No camera shot must last more than 2 seconds!  Because that’s exciting!  Shop Shop Shop!  And pretty colors!  Yeah, every color of the rainbow!  Let’s get ‘em all in there in 15 seconds.  And I want LOTS of shots of people browsing on their computer!  Because people won’t understand we’re an online shopping site unless we show people web-surfing.  Hey, who’s that douchebag over by the water cooler doing karate chops?  I love it!  Let’s put him in the commercial!  And let’s have him using an optical mouse on glass - which can’t possibly work but fuck it!  You all had your chance to take the blue pill.  We’re taking this all the way!  Shop Shop Shop!  Hey Denise!  Wanna dance in a commercial?  How do you feel about wearing a baby-shit green pant suit that draws attention to your uteral mound?  Bada-bing!  You’re in it!  Shop Shop!

Shopzilla - I hate you.

Thanks to Stuart for the find!

My last post had nothing to do with advertising, so I figured I’d bring us back on task with something that may be of use to you advertisers out there - a slideshow of Google’s (estimated) share of various ad markets..

Done by eWeek, it’s a quick run-through of the major markets and how Google’s involved (as well as top competitors).  The stats vary widely based on who’s doing the research, which eWeek tried to account for.

(I’m an eWeek subscriber, so I go right through to the article.  If that is not the case for any of you, please do us all a favor and leave a quick comment saying as much.  I’ll then find you another option)

As is often the case after posting something up here, after the MC Hammer post I kinda wandered off on a bunch of web tangents of a Hammer nature - I believe the kids today are calling it “web surfing”.  Yep, I must have spent a good hour that I will never get back, just answering all those burning questions like “What’s Hammer up to now?”, “How does that Vanilla Ice dance go, so I can impress random bar patrons with it the next time I’m drunk?”, “How do I find the center of a circle?” (I will always be a nerd at heart), “Does MC Hammer have a blog?”  The answer to the last one? Yes!

Every time you see me
The Hammer’s just so hype!
I’m dope on the blog
and I’m magic when I type
Can’t touch this!
Can’t touch this!
HammerBlog! (whoa-oh oh oh-oh  -oh you get the idea)

I am the best rapper ever, I know.  Hammer, if you’re reading this, I challenge you to a blog rap-off!  A friend of mine commented on the last post that I had Hammer pants in high school (Lies!  All lies! :) ), so since I’ve been outed, I guess I need to take this all the way. 

As far as I can tell, the Hammer blog is pretty much him searching YouTube for videos that are in some way Hammer-related, or videos of musicians he likes.  In a bit of grand irony, despite his rap career, Hammer is a man of few words on his blog.  And since I ramble on forever about stupid shit, he’s totally getting spanked in this blog-off.

Anyway, be sure to check out this one from his blog.  A bunch of Taiwanese kids learning English by singing “Can’t Touch This”.  I hate sappy shit - the propensity of cat pictures on the web enrages me to no end - but goddamn these kids are adorable!

Brilliant ad by Hallmark for their new Cards With Sound series (the ”tv ad” department did a much better job than the “name this card campaign” department, don’t you think?)  - cards that have clips of popular music play when you open them (as opposed to the bleepy Casio-like cards that were so fucking annoying).

I just crack up every time I see this guy.  They would have been hard-pressed to find a guy that looked less able to pull off Hammer moves (links to original vid.. you know you want to see it again!), yet execute them so flawlessly.

This ad especially resonates with me on a personal level, as it reminds me of the “concert I’m most embarassed I went to”.  Come on.. we all have one!  Get this line-up:  MC Hammer with openers En Vogue and… (wait for it!).. Vanilla-fucking-Ice!  Yes! En Vogue can sing, and Hammer puts on a great show, so I will defend them to this day, but I got nothing for Ice. Stupidity of youth?

Quick tip to Hallmark: if you’re going to spend a lot of money and effort promoting a new product, you might want to make a clickable link on the front page of your website instead of making me conjure the fat ghost of Perry Mason to figure out where to order a damn “card with sound”.  Oh, and have them in stock. Oh, and have more than 5 to pick from

Come to think of it, Hallmark is really fucking up this campaign! But great commercial, guys.

A man is suing Novartis AG - the makers of the meal replacement beverage, Boost Plus - for giving him an erection that wouldn’t go down.  The CEO of Novartis could not immediately be reached for comment, as he was too busy tap-dancing and shouting with childish glee through the halls of their corporate headquarters.

Said Novartis’s new spokesman, ‘Bob’: “We are truly shocked and sorry that our inexpensive, nutritious beverage has been found to cause rock hard, long-lasting erections.  With all the money and research that has gone into prescription drugs such as Viagra, how could we have possibly predicted that we had made a drink that, at a fraction of the cost of Viagra and availabe without a prescription, could lead to massive hard-ons that can go all night?  Trust me when I say that an investigation has been initiated to determine exactly where we took such a wrong turn that I must stand humbly before you today and admit that, for $1.99 at your grocery store down the street, you can purchase a low-calorie drink that tastes like chocolate milk, is highly nutritious, and will leave your wife or girlfriend screaming in delight and begging for mercy.”

Sometimes, figuring out how to market a product is a near-impossible task, full of meetings, focus group studies, powerpoint slides, conference calls, cocaine-fueled afterhours parties with the strippers you and the client met that night… Excel spreadsheets.  And then other times, the marketing just pops into your lap.  So to speak.  So to the R&D department at Novartis: Well done, mates.  Well done.

Of course! Just after I get done taking a small pot shot at Budweiser for having ads that are funny just for funny’s sake, they go out and create a beautiful piece of work like Swear Jar (from their Bud.TV site) .

Maybe it’s just me, but I really think you have to steer a commercial towards your product.  Just the other day while helping my Dad on his new house, he did something dumb that almost sent him tumbling off a 20 foot drop-off (Dad almost kills himself or a member of the family pretty much every weekend we’re out there.. this blog may be short-lived).  Anyway, I start singing that “Woo-hoo!  Woo-hoo-hoo!” like from the Vonage ads where people are doing stupid shit.  His reply: “Oh yeah, I love those commercials.  What are those for?”

If people don’t remember your commercial and link it with what you’re selling, what’s the point?  Bud has been guilty of this in the past, but Swear Jar is on the money.  Very funny, and everyone in the ad is working toward the common goal of enjoying a Bud Light.  The ad is almost compelling enough to make me forget that Bud Light tastes like piss.

Thanks to Inna A. for the link!

Ad agencies, listen up - it’s about time for you to create a new department - Electric Print Media.

Swedish researchers have found a way to cheaply print circuitry onto paper, allowing the creation of touch sensors and audio playback - all on a poster!  You can see a quick demo here.

Of course, I’m overstating the importance a bit.  I don’t think this is necessarily the next “big thing”, but I can envision it catching on with those that want to spice up their advertising efforts on the cheap.  We could soon see movie theaters with interactive coming attraction posters, rock bars that can actually offer music samples of upcoming bands on their walls, etc.

And if they can thin down the substrate and power source, this tech will become ubiquitous.  Imagine a magazine that talks to you!  Playboy will never be the same!  I have a million and one smarmy comments to throw in at this point, but go ahead and just fill in your own here.