Introducing the new Washlet ass-washing system by Toto. Is this what they meant by “missing the rains down in Africa?”
Something similar to the above is actually running in Times Square right now. Kickass! (I honestly didn’t mean that pun)
What is a Washlet, you ask? As far as I can tell, it’s a modernized bidet. It shoots a “warm, aerated jet” of water at your ass. I can’t imagine myself using that functionality, but I guess they’ve sold 17 million worldwide, so someone likes it. Oh wait a sec.. I’m just now reading that it will also shoot a gentle jet of water onto “external genitalia”. Sign me up!! Hell, this is how they should be selling it! “The Washlet shoots a warm, massaging stream of water on your balls or clit, taking #2’s to amazing new heights of pleasure. Be sure to try out our “vibrating tongue” model! … oh yeah, and it’ll wash your ass if you want.” Christ, Toto, give me a call. I’ll have your product flying off the shelves!
I’m not sure yet what to make of the ad campaign. I mean, there is no better way to get people’s attention than to show two-story tall asses in Times Square, so they’ve definitely got the attention-getting aspect down. But smiley-faces? Is that the best they could do? Put smiley faces on people’s asses? It just looks weird. Doesn’t the ass crack running through the smile kinda look like a cleft lip? And then the bottom of the ass-cheeks are like some strange below-the-mouth handlebar moustache. Maybe they could team up with BK’s awesome new moustache campaign and do some cross promotions. “BK and Washlet - we’ve got you covered from end to end!”
I love the site though. You’re greeted by a quick montage of asses, along the lines of a video slot machine or Press Your Luck. “Big asses! Big asses! No whammies! STOP!” Then comes the meet-and-greet with the asses’ owners. And boy are they happy to meet you! By far my favorite is fifth from the left (not in terms of asses, mind you), with his “How ya doin’?” Just the way he says it, like “How ya doin? Dja see my ass just now? Yeah? Cool.”
Then you have the Questions section, with such gems as “Does anything touch me? I mean, I’m a Christian!” (ok, I added a bit to that), “Can the seat get so hot it can burn me?”, “Is the Washlet okay if you have hemorrhoids?”, and my personal favorite, “Where did the Washlet come from?” Well, in 1949 an alien craft crashed near Roswell, NM. The government quickly dismissed it as a “weather balloon”, but soon after, ex-employees of the nearby Area 51 reported strange objects on the base’s toilets, with ass-cleaning technology that was “out-of-this-world”.
I’m getting really fucking long-winded here - I apologize. And I’m sure I could go on and on, but you lucked out - the site seems to be malfunctioning right now and I can’t see the flash content. Perhaps the site’s just too busy at the moment… You want this joke or shall I take it?… yes, their asses are getting pounded! So I’ll wrap this up by sharing something I learned from the site: the rather degrading international symbol for “old people” (see right). Fantasstic!
