In case you missed it, check out the magically stereotypical and appropriate response of Miss South Carolina on the “Miss US Americans the Iraq no maps and Stuff” Pageant earlier this week.

Do I mention this because I wish to further her humiliation?  No.  Because it’s funny?  No… well, yes.  But that’s only part of it.  No, I bring it up as a reprimand to the pageants themselves.  Miss Fill-in-the-Blank Pageant, you should be ashamed of yourself!  Asking these young women to be cerebral - women who have dedicated their entire lives to mastering “no, this is not a fake smile, I’m genuinely happy!” and “tits and ass-cheek taping” technologies - is nothing less than inhumane!

Get real, guys.  I know there has been outcry in the past to get rid of the evening gown and swimsuit competitions because they are “sexist”.  Well I advocate exactly the opposite - get rid of the Q&A (and maybe the Talent competition as well, unless you narrow it down to things such as “look how flexible I am” and “things I can do with my tongue”).  People are not watching your show to find the next Grace Hopper for chrissakes!  There is a reason there is no “MIT Women’s Doctoral Dissertations Pageant”!  In fact, for the sake of honesty in marketing, you should change the names of your pageants altogether.  “Miss America” should become the “Women You’d Like to Fuck but Not Date” Pageant.  “Miss Universe” should become the “Oh My Gawwwd Miss Brazil is Fucking Smoking!” Pageant* (see pic below).  The Miss Teen USA Pageant would be more aptly named the “Young Women That You’d Like to Fuck but Ssshhh We Can’t Speak of It Because Some of Them Are Illegal, and Yet We’re Parading Them on National TV in Fucking Bathing Suits So We Know You’re Fantasizing About It Right Now.  Don’t Lie.. You Lying Liar.. You’d Totally Hit That!”… Pageant.  As an aside, isn’t it interesting that the TV channel that puts 16-year-old girls in bikinis and has them do a little spin is the same channel that airs “Catch a Predator”?

I can’t stand bullshit (except that special brand where the purveyor of said bullshit knows that the purveyee knows it’s bullshit).  I happen to think most people don’t like being bullshitted.  Miss Whatever Pageants, quit bullshitting us!  You are purveyors of soft porn.  And sometimes “barely or not quite legal” soft porn.  Need proof?  After peaking in the late 80s, TV viewership of all the pageants is in precipitous decline.  Because the women don’t do the Q&A as well as they used to?  No.  Poor selections in eveningwear?  No.  Simple.. we’re all getting our porn elsewhere.  Skinamax…the internet… why would I want my porn punctuated by commercials and Bob Barker when I have all those choices??

So if you guys want to stay in business, you better fucking Know Thyself.  And your audience.  Because asking girls to find America on a map just isn’t gonna cut it anymore.

* I was totally not kidding about Miss Brazil.  Christ on a bike she’s hot!

I must fess up that conservation is my heartstring issue, so I will shamelessly promote this stuff if I find even the faintest of ties to the marketing realm.  But I have to give design props to the National Resources Defense Council’s new website.

What with the Web 2.0 hype, so many designers are just going waay overboard.  You don’t always need the website equivalent of a 5am Vegas suite sex orgy with midgets and donkeys.  Sometimes clean, simple design wins the day.  NRDC is all about preserving our waters and forests;  so go figure, their site is a soothing mix of blues and greens.  And instead of tons of links on the front page, they boil it down to the essence of their organization:  current campaigns, victories, donations, registration, and how to spread the word.

Oh, and right now they’ve got nice money shot of a whale, for those of you into whale porn… mmmm… whaaale pooorn.  So check out the site.. and damn it, do something while you’re at it!  { </soapbox> }

Let’s just put this banner in the “Whoops!” category…

Yes, I realize it says “Use less”.  But come on, that’s just 5 white space pixels from being “Useless”, not exactly a word you want associated with what you’re selling.  What’s sad is, I doubt this is one that just slipped by the editors.  No, I bet they looked at it and thought, “Hmm… could this be misread?   Naaaaah!”

Wrong answer.  Ya know, you could have made it all go away with some capitalization:  “Do More.  Use Less.”  Wasn’t that easy?  Morons.

And no, Chevy, this is not just one guy’s opinion!

Thanks to Jiraiya NamPla for the insight on this one.

Okay, so you’re an Islamic rebel group and want to endear yourself with the non-Islamic world. Hmm.. tough crowd. But picking the right acronym is certainly a great start! I was listening to NPR this morning and heard a story on what is now my favorite rebel group - the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.   That’s right, the MILF!  Now there’s a group I can get behind! *

I was laughing out loud in my car on this one.  News anchors will generally turn the acronym for a group into its own word for brevity’s sake, as opposed to spelling out the letters.  But not this morning.  No, the newsman was careful to call them the “M”-”I”-”L”-”F” throughout the segment.  I can only hope that thousands of people like me (you know, that “smart enough to listen to NPR but still really fucking immature” demographic) were laughing simultaneously this morning as our esteemed anchor recounted the latest MILF headlines.  If I find the clip in the NPR archives, I’ll post it.  In the meantime, we can at least have some fun with the Yahoo article I found.  Evidently, the MILF has “waged a decades-long insurgency in the south Philippines.”  Awesome, because the “naughty nurse” role-play routine was getting a bit stale!

“The 12,000-strong MILF said late last year that the talks were on the brink of collapse over its demands for economic control..”  Which translates to “withholding sex because we won’t buy them that new outfit they saw last week”.

“Last month, MILF guerrillas backed by members of the..”  Stop.  You had me at “MILF guerillas”!  Hottt!

“The MILF has admitted it was behind the ambush but said it only launched the attack because the military had crossed into its territory.” … and because they didn’t appreciate the “baby weight” comment.

* Note to Bush’s Domestic Surveillance Program - I don’t actually support this group. Please don’t put me on your Terrorist Watch list.

Pretty simple concept, but pretty damned funny anyway.. here’s a recent ad for PostBank. 

I think it came out about 8 months ago actually, but I’m sure most of you haven’t seen it yet if you’re a fellow Yank.  Given the subprimes and derivatives mess we’re in, it’s oh so a-propos!

Kudos to the marketers for Always Maxis, and their latest ad.  I’m sure women just love having their vaginas likened to a large, potentially dangerous object in an amusement park.  Yes, what better metaphor than something whose sole purpose is to twist, turn, and flip upside-down, providing cheap thrills to the entire general public, who can ride 30-at-a-time… so long as they have the money for admission.  Well done, Always.  How about signing on Charlie the Tuna as spokesman while you’re at it?

Thanks to Stuart for the find.

Nothing to do with marketing, but jesus it’s funny.  Had to share it.  FEAR the Gay Chicken!

Thanks to John for the find.

Check out GalacticSuite.com, who claim they’ll have a hotel orbiting Earth by 2012.  Allow me to be the first to call “bullshit”.

I don’t have any in-depth analysis to back up my opinion, but it strikes me as unlikely that a company that can master neither flash web design nor English grammar can somehow pull it together and launch the general public into space in the next 5 years.  If you can’t handle proper apostrophe placement, how can I trust your attention to details on, say, a reentry heat shield?  I’ve never built a rocket or space station, but I can tell you that Engineering Physics 1 was a helluva lot harder than English Composition.

Not only that - but the hypothetical stay at this “resort” looks really fucking boring.  I would love to go into space and do a couple revolutions.  Hell, if I had only been a few inches shorter at 18, I might be doing that right now (long story).  But the Galactic Suite package is 3 days.  Sitting in a fucking tube.  I would think even something as magnificent as weightlessness and looking down at the Earth would get old after a day if that’s all you’re doing.  Oh sure, the site claims that the “space tourists will also take part in scientific experiments”.  But come on, how involved could these experiments possibly be?  “See, Mr. Trump?  The liquid has formed a perfect sphere!  Ok, class, be sure to write these findings on page 3 of your Galactic Suite Activity Workbook!”

Thanks to Phil for the find!

I’ve always dug the whole Current TV concept - anyone can submit a video concept, which is then voted on to determine what content makes the tv channel.  Given the utter shit that has taken over much of television (thanks, Reality TV!), stations like Current could be our deliverers.

Little did I know that Current TV was started in part by Al Gore (my god he’s come a long way from Robot VP!).  And now, riding the Live Earth wave from July, Current TV is currently running a “:60 Seconds to Save the Earth” campaign.  Despite the misnomer (really, this is about saving humans, isn’t it?), this is a pretty cool idea.  Yes, user-generated ads is a well-worn path by now, but it takes on a different air when the goal is something bigger than selling Doritos, doesn’t it?  And really, all those ad contests are just following Current TV’s lead.

The :60 Second campaign was kicked off on July 7th with a promo spot by Cameron Diaz.  In a departure from her normal shtick, she opts to go for the “goofy, clumsy, cute, bat-my-eyelashes-at-the-camera” play.  Way to stretch, Cameron.  Anyway, since Environment’s my hot button issue, I’ll be nice.  Users can submit through Sept. 12, after which winning ads will be chosen and used by the Alliance for Climate Protection.  The grand prize winner will receive an SUV… wait, did I read that right?  Hmph.. holy shit.  Yeah, an SUV.  (okay, so it’s a hybrid.. meaning it gets almost as good a gas mileage as my 10 year old Volkswagen)

Be sure to check out AskANinja’s take on the campaign, too.  He’ll blow your mind.

Either this ad just hit the KC market within the last few weeks, or I really need to start being a good little consumer and watch more TV.  Check out the “Dirty-mouthed cheaters” ad for Orbit gum (thanks for being on this a full 3 months ago, Dhadm!)

I have to agree with DS, the way the homewrecker says “lint licker” in that backwoodsy, southern drawl is just hilarious to me for some reason.

This campaign is a real credit to Orbit.  As I’ve stated before, there are ads that are “on message” and ads that are entertaining or captivating, but nailing both of them in one spot can be tough.  Orbit’s on the money with funny, quirky ads that nevertheless remind us to keep a clean mouth.  Fabulous!  Which reminds me, am I the only one that finds the “fabulous”-girl totally smoking?