Filed under in the news, food / entertainment, ridiculous
Congratulations to Ben Silverman, recently appointed Head of NBC Entertainment. I just read an Esquire article, wherein Mr. Silverman proceeded to bend over and suck his own dick at every possible opportunity, while disparaging various colleagues. A couple gems:
Silverman has his enemies, but he attributes his quick ascent at least in part to his wide network of friends. He boasts that he has completely merged his personal and professional lives. "Having relationships with talent is key. I like actors, writers, and directors — they’re people I want to hang out with. They read, they’re cultured, they travel. None of the other network heads do this." (yes.. they’re busy kicking your ass)
Tonight’s massive schmoozefest is ideally tailored to Silverman… But Ben Silverman is unimpressed. "This is nothing, man… last night…" He’s referring to the private gathering he hosted with some nightclub promoters at a mansion in the Hollywood Hills…The formal party featured bikini-clad girls dancing on rafts in the pool, the Hilton sisters, and a caged white tiger in the entryway. "It was sick," says Silverman, who greeted his six hundred guests in a silver Dolce & Gabbana suit and shut the place down around 5:30 a.m. "You looked around and saw so many beautiful women. But then you looked closer and it’s like, Hey, that’s Molly Sims. See what I mean? Just a totally sick party."
"The industry hasn’t seen an executive like me in a long time," Silverman says. "Traditionally, development executives rise through a specific subsection of the TV business — prime time, network, scripted programming. They’re basically D-girls," he says, using the derogatory industry slang for cute young development execs with little power. "That’s what [ABC Entertainment president] Steve McPherson is, that’s what [Fox Entertainment president] Kevin Reilly is. That’s bad vernacular, but they’re all D-girls."
Contrast this bravado with an article sent to me this morning, how NBC is refunding advertisers for uncharacteristically shitty ratings performance. Keep in mind that NBC has been sucking the bottom of the big network pond for a little while now, so for them to be sucking in a new, uncharacteristic way, well that’s some tip-top management there! Good job, Ben. In an environment where industry insiders already expect you to suck, you have over-achieved and found a way that completely caught ‘em all off guard!
Ben, quick tip: talking the way you talk makes you a fucking dick. Even if your network was far and away #1, you’re still a dick. So, well done on that one. However, when you talk the way you talk - what with your "complete merging of personal and professional lives" and your rival "D-girls" - while your network sits in last place, sucking the tail-pipes of the other networks… well, Ben, that just makes you look like a fool and a Schmuck*.
*Shmuck: That portion of one’s penis which is cut off during circumcision,a Yiddish term. You’re already a dick, Ben. And if you don’t fix your shit, be assured they’ll be throwing you away just like your namesake.
December 11th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
Maybe I’m not reading this right but do you think Ben is a dick?
December 11th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
haha yes, a dick AND a schmuck. He is both a part of a penis, and the full penis itself, which seems like two states of existence that cannot occur at once, like the wave/particle duality of light.
Indeed, physicists have a name for Ben’s part/wholeness… the “Silverman Paradox”.