I am so glad someone has started putting these commercials on YouTube (so that I can in turn steal them and put them on my own site).  I’ve wanted to comment on these ever since seeing them months and months ago.  Have a look at an ad for the Jiiiiitterbug!  {stupid music} Jiiiiiitterbug! cell phone for senior citizens.

I’m sure she’d be ok with the regular phone with bigger buttons, but if I gave that 3-button jobby to my grandmother, she would probably beat me with it.  Then toss me the phone and say "Just press the bottom button, dear!  Jiiiitterbug!"

My grandma is closing in on 80, and she seems to be doing just fine on her plain ol’, standard issue "young people’s" model (my quotes, not what she calls it).  I mean, am I the only one that finds this phone and ad a little demeaning?  And I truly love this: they top it off with older folks (a lot of them don’t even look all that old!) in the commercial being stereotypically crotchety.  "And it’s not bogged down with a gazillion features like those other phones!  Finally, a simple, fairly useless phone to match my simple, fairly useless mind!"   I mean, come on!  No one?  I can’t speak for my future, 80-year-old self, but I would be pissed! 

With the artistic help of a friend, I’ve decided to really dispense with the bullshit and bring Jitterbug’s point home to the senior citizenry.  I present you the Jitterbug Adchops model:

Now hurry up and die already!

Yeah, this isn’t in any way related to advertising, but my god is it classic - a brown finch completely pwned a local news reporter right as he was reporting on those same birds!  I mean, calculate the odds on this:  what are the odds of having a bird crap in one’s open mouth?  Pretty damned slim.  Now, of that small percentage, the odds that this person’s occupation is a tv news reporter?  Vanishingly small.  Now, of all the time this reporter spends doing the various activities of his daily life, what are the odds of this reporter eating bird shit while on the air live?!  Ridiculously fractionally small percentage.  And then the clincher!  Person, who happens to be a tv reporter, who happens to be broadcasting live, getting a dollop of bird crap in the mouth while doing a story on those same birds??!!

I mean, come on folks.  That’s just sheer awesomeness!  Ponder on such wonders of nature and probability as you enjoy your weekend!

My new favorite commercial - Bud Light now delivers the ability to understand animals.

 Bud Light just nails it, ad after ad (Swear Jar, anyone?).  Down to every detail - the dog with the slightly "proper British" accent, the facial expressions of the owner.. just awesome.

As I’ve said before, Bud Light has delivered so many great ads, I am almost compelled to buy their miserable-tasting swill just to say "Thank You"…. almost. In fact, Bud Light, I promise you this: next good commercial I see and I will buy a 24 pack of your product. I will probably then give it away to strangers and immediately purchase some good German brew.. but it’s the thought that counts, right? In fact, I’ll up the ante. While we’re on the subject of sports and marketing, I just went over to the Phoenix Suns new virtual locker room thingy. I’m digging it, but if you could convince them to get rid of the fucking ape and replace it with Sausage Dog, hell, I’ll throw a party and stock it with Bud Light kegs. Get to it, Bud Light brass!

btw, my server’s getting killed by you all right now, so my apologies if there’s a bit of delay in the load

Sorry, kids.  Holidays combined with work load at the day job has made me a negligent daddy here as of late.  I’m still a bit busy, but thought I’d post up a quick something to keep Blog Welfare Services from knocking on my door.  This is (I believe) a website for a Brazilian beer called Boa.  It takes a helluva a long time to load, but is kind of funny and more importantly, shows off a new tech that you might see in future ad campaigns - overlaying images on video.  Neat stuff.

Hope to post up some more love in the next few!

Just saw this ad last night for the first time and had to watch it a few times.  I’m not even sure what the hell it’s for!  Something for EA sports games on the Wii called "Family Play".  Is this simply multi-player functionality?

Anyway, confusion of what’s being sold aside, the commercial is stellar.  Kudos on the authenticity of the "NFL Films announcer guy", and for a great acting job by the grandma.  I absolutely hate ads where they try to use cute babies to push product, but for some reason I love it when they use cute ol’ grannies.  I prefer to have logical consistency in most things… haven’t sorted this one out yet.  Any hypotheses are welcome. :)

Been a busy week, yo!  Sorry for not keeping up.  I’m still a bit taxed, but thought I’d at least draw your attention to something I’ve been having a laugh at over at DHADM.  Not the commercial.  The ad is from the "Verizon Wireless Slightly Annoying Nerd" series, and (as is typical of that entire campaign) is a yawner.

But my GAWD, the comments section!  People are going absolutely chimp-shit (why should apes get all the glory?) over the use of the miniature pony in the ad.  A couple gems:

The American Miniature Horse in this commercial is not a good representation of the breed….Our horse rides in elevators in nursing homes, has ridden in our Jeep Cherokee to get to her events and has been called the ambassador to the miniature horse breed….  -DJ Pullis

 

….DJ do quit taking yourself so seriously.  BTW, I’m in the market for a miniature horse and your farm is now off the list.  -Skeeziks

 

This add is not funny or entertaining…..Even a dog should not be confined by a rope or chain.  The thought that a horse would be confined in this mannner is ludicrous!  It sets an ignorant tone for the amazing American Miniature Horse.   -Peggy L Price

 

Mini or not, it is not safe to put a reasonably large equid inside a vehicle.  -Skeeziks  (glad you told me this before this weekend, Skeeziks!)

 

When a kid with cancer who has lost all her hair can run up to a mini and just give it a hug around its neck and the mini accepts it quietly with patience and love, you know something special is happening.   When a student who is struggling with learning disabilities and his/her social skills opens up because they touched a miniature horse, you never know how far the student will go from there….  -DJ Pullis

 

This is a terrible commercial. When you let a miniature horse chew on things such as doghouses, it ruins the meat. Minihorse meat is DELICIOUS, especially when prepared “traditional” style with an apple glaze.   - ok, this one was me. :)

People, don’t deprive yourself 5 minutes of laughs at the expense of these goobers (myself included in said goobers).  Oh and in case you’ve never seen it, the best Verizon commercial EVER never made it to TV.

While trying to balance your hectic life as wife, mother, and enterprising businesswoman, how do you appease your insatiable appetite for Nando Chicken?  Patches just won’t do!  Try Nando Fix Gum!

This ad is at least 6 months old, but my god is this commercial awesome.  Reason #215 why Aussies are cooler than we are.

What started out as yet another gay attempt at attention-getting by Greenpeace has quickly turned into a bit of an internet sensation.  Go cast a vote for your favorite whale name!

Don’t get me wrong - any frequent AdChops readers (which I believe consists of my mother, a couple friends of mine, and a prisoner serving 30-to-life at Leavenworth… wait, my mom just called..she doesn’t read it) know that conservation of our environment is the cause nearest and dearest to my heart.  But my gawwwwd do my fellow tree-huggers do a bad job of marketing!  They’re always coming across as a bunch of weak, powerless hippies.

So when they sought to draw attention to a current threat to humpback whale populations by having a Whale-naming contest, you can probably imagine the names that were submitted; you know, shit like "Windsong", "Moondream", and a bunch of stuff bylined with "from the word for {fill in hippy-cherished concept: ’song’, ‘love’, ‘freedom’, etc} in ancient {fill in soon-to-be-extinct language spoken by, like, 15 people on Earth}".  Great.. let’s represent endangered species with endangered languages.

But one good name got through: "Mr. Splashy Pants"!  They put it in the final vote "as a joke".  Well, this joke now has 72% of the vote (in a field of 30!), and I’m betting Greenpeace has had more site hits than any time in recent history.

Do you get it yet, Greenpeace?  People, in general, like what you are doing.  The oceans are great.  Humpbacks, great.  We just don’t like hippies.  I know that is probably hard for the 50- and 60-something year old people now running Greenpeace to accept.  "But, the 60s were important, man!  What happened then was special!"  No, the 60s were not especially important.  Taking acid and dancing in mud… not especially important.  So get over it and start marketing for non-"aging hippies".  Mr. Splashy Pants is a good start. :)

Found originally through DHADM

Nothing on the Adscape today, peoples.  But I thought I’d post a couple "food for thought" videos.  Some coworkers and I were discussing having kids this morning (well, not actually having the kids this morning… and not with each other obviously….you know what I meant).  I told him I plan on having 3 or 4, which was a shocker to him.  Seemed like such a big family.  And that illustrates a theory I’ve had for quite awhile - that the human race is getting dumber.  Think about it - I’m 33, good job, believe in proper fitness, educated and all that.  No kids yet.  My coworker is 23ish, so plenty of time there.  Smart, good job, etc.  Three or four kids seems outrageous to him.  Sounds like he’s going for 0-2.  Meanwhile, the lowest socioeconomic classes are popping out babies like there’s no tomorrow.  Smart people are being outbred!

I’ve harbored this notion for quite some time.  And it turns out I’m not the only one.  Check out a great vid from one of my favorite bands - Evolution by Korn.  And then a clip from the movie, Idiocracy, demonstrating the same point.

So, yeah, that’s why I’m having 4 kids.  Hell, maybe even more.  Until sterilization programs* are back in place, the smart people of the world must unite (in the biblical sense)!

Have a good weekend!

*Calm down!  Just temporary sterility.  If you can’t afford to properly raise a child, you shouldn’t be allowed to have one.

Check out this review on Variety.com for Nintendo Wii’s Super Mario Galaxy.  Notice the top right corner…

Yeah.. a review of Nintendo sponsored by Sony!  Now, I think the commenters of the article are a bit off (btw, I highly recommend reading the comments.. some lovely vitriol there) in directing their criticism at the author (or, as called in the comments: "shill", "sell-out", "horrid little twat").  People, this is an author for Variety - a magazine geared at the ignorant fucking masses that actually give two shits about Lohan’s latest drug addictions, how Britney straps her babies into carseats, or the latest name conjugations of celebrity couples ("Bradifer", or "Brangelina", or whatever-the-fuck it is now).  Being as they are catering to the lesser intellects among us, one would expect that they themselves aren’t the sharpest, either.

The real criticism goes to Sony.  Sony makes games and laptops and other smart shit, directed to intelligent (and often, undersexed) people!  Companies selling to smart people are supposed to have ad departments that have been honed to a fine edge by their take-no-prisoners demographic.  They are supposed to be too smart to pull a jackass move like this.

So, to the "horrid little twat" (that’s my favorite!), Ben Fritz:  I’m not hatin’.  You write for Variety;  I’m not expecting much from you.  But shame on you, Sony!