Check out this review on Variety.com for Nintendo Wii’s Super Mario Galaxy.  Notice the top right corner…

Yeah.. a review of Nintendo sponsored by Sony!  Now, I think the commenters of the article are a bit off (btw, I highly recommend reading the comments.. some lovely vitriol there) in directing their criticism at the author (or, as called in the comments: "shill", "sell-out", "horrid little twat").  People, this is an author for Variety - a magazine geared at the ignorant fucking masses that actually give two shits about Lohan’s latest drug addictions, how Britney straps her babies into carseats, or the latest name conjugations of celebrity couples ("Bradifer", or "Brangelina", or whatever-the-fuck it is now).  Being as they are catering to the lesser intellects among us, one would expect that they themselves aren’t the sharpest, either.

The real criticism goes to Sony.  Sony makes games and laptops and other smart shit, directed to intelligent (and often, undersexed) people!  Companies selling to smart people are supposed to have ad departments that have been honed to a fine edge by their take-no-prisoners demographic.  They are supposed to be too smart to pull a jackass move like this.

So, to the "horrid little twat" (that’s my favorite!), Ben Fritz:  I’m not hatin’.  You write for Variety;  I’m not expecting much from you.  But shame on you, Sony!

I am very hesitant to ever say the phrase "That is the most {adjective} {noun} I have ever {sensory verb}!!"  You know - "funkiest song I’ve ever heard!!", "hottest girl I’ve ever seen!!", etc.

I don’t even mitigate such sentences with "might" or "could" as a general rule.  But I am telling you right now, this French commercial for Orangina might be the most fucked-up-crazy advertisement I’ve ever seen!!"  (I’m posting this at great risk of becoming the #1 Ad-blog destination for Furries the world over.)

Oh, to have been an anthropomorphized, dancing fig-leaf-wearing fly-on-the-wall when the ad execs pitched this to Orangina:

Ad Exec:  Ok, so we open up in a forest with a doe on a swing, with a tremendous rack.

Client:  Female deer don’t have racks.

AE:  No, I mean tits.  Great tits.

C:  What?  The deer has -?

AE:  - And then this bear takes her Orangina and she, like, falls into these rose petals, just like in American Beauty!

C:  Umm.. o…kay…

AE:  Boom!  We’re now in a forest strip club!  Flamingoes and octopus women are dancing on poles while the bear and his friends look on.  Lap dances ensue.

C:  Wait, what?!  Flamingoes and octopuses are -

AE:  With great tits!

C:  What?

AE:  The flamingo and octopus girls.  They have great tits, too!  In fact, just assume that all the female creatures in this scenario have great tits unless I specify otherwise.  So anyway, the deer does a little burlesque show capped off by that one FlashDance scene where Jennifer Beals does the bucket of water thing.

(one of the female clients gets up and leaves)

Dancing!  General mayhem!  Girl zebras riding Orangina bottles ’til their raw make their caps explode, getting the wet, sticky stuff everywhere!  An octopus-girl squeezes her orangey-tits and looks heavenward in orgasmic delight!

C:  …

AE:  {jazz hands} Orangina! 

C:  Call your coke-dealer.  We’re hitting the strip clubs.

Seriously though, mouth-dropping strangeness aside, it really is a beautifully done advertisement.  The concept is out of this fucking world; the artistry is top-notch.  I will never understand this ad.  But I love it!  And if you, fair visitor, happen to be the creative director behind this gem, I have got to party with your crew some weekend!

And for you loyal readers who indulged me this far, check out the commercial in Hi-Def!

I always told the ex-gf when going out drinking with the team after my soccer games that it was to ensure my good health and proper hydration, but she never believed me.  Finally, the evidence is in.

So who’s going to get on this first?  You just know that some brewer is going to start selling beer with "added nutrients for maximum hydration!"

Apparently, someone caught up with Ben Curtis, the "Dude, you’re getting a Dell" guy and found that he is now a waiter at a place called Tortilla Flats in New York.  The campaign was canceled after he was arrested for buying weed.  I’m not sure which is more sad:

1.  That a nationally known commercial actor is now asking whether you would like hot or mild sauce with your chimichanga.

2.  That some reporter actually woke up one morning and thought, "I wonder what the Dell dude is doing nowadays?"…  And then actually followed through with it!  The background research, interview preparation, plane ticket to NY, et ceterahh, et ceterahh.

3.  Or, that I found it worthwhile to cover second-hand.

I found Dell dude and the whole campaign more than a little annoying, but who really pisses me off is Dell.  Dell, you made a casting call for the person that could most convincingly deliver the word "Dude" in a sentence.  Did you not consider the possibility that the winner was a pothead??  It would be like Fox kicking Paris off Simple Life after the sex tape came out.  Did they?  No!  They already knew she was a dirty lil whore (I mean that in a good way)!  Taking it from behind while chatting with friends on the phone is her thing.  People saying "Dude" - well, smoking pot is their thing.

Wise up, Dell.

btw, I went ahead and Google-mapped Tortilla Flats.  Better hurry if you want him to wait on you.  His "band has been given the green light"!

Hello, good citizens!  It has been a couple months since my last posting.  I am afraid that, despite my words of caution, I got pretty heavily addicted to Silpada.  Just started out as a little dabbling on the weekends.. you know, a quick rush… a "ladies night out having fun with jewelry".  But then I was doing Silpada on weekdays, missing work.. it was getting bad.  When I missed my brother’s 30th birthday party because "I’m at a Silpada party and just can’t get away", I knew I was in too deep and needed help.

I’m in rehab and doing better.  I’ll admit, there are times when I see some big jangly silver contraption on a 40-something woman’s wrist and think, "god damn it, I need to throw a party!"  But the cravings are fewer and farther between now.

Truth be told, I just caught a bit caught up in work and such.. I hope to start posting a bit more.  And why not start with an ad that I think is pretty damned cool.  The new "Training Day" spot by Nike.

Why is this so cool?  For one, Steve Nash.  To tell the truth, that’s really the reason I’m posting this.  Don’t get me wrong, the ad is pretty good in its own right, but I’ve happened across some Nash articles here and there lately and I gotta say, this guy is The Shit.

In the modern sports world of murdering dogs, beating wives, and sex parties (… well, two out of the three are bad, anyway!), it is so damned refreshing to hear about a guy that has a Zen philosophy about fame, puts team before self, and organizes charity tournaments half way around the world to help children.  Great Nash quote from one of the articles:

He is totally uninterested in being a celebrity, calling it something “to distract the bored from their nothingness.”

Oh, and although he is a pro basketball player, he has a healthy respect for the world’s most Beautiful Game: soccer.  You’ll see that showcased in the ad.

I have some Nikes on order and I’ll admit, it was solely because of the cool iPod plug-in whizzy-bang add-ons, but after finding out they have Nash on board, I’m glad I bought ‘em!

A “tip of the hat and wag of the finger” (as Stephen Colbert would say) to Heineken’s new DraughtKeg ad with the robot girl dispensing beer.  First, the accolades:  this commercial has all the right stuff - a nice cold keg of good (well, decent) beer, techno music, eery lighting effects, and a hot robot chick that can turn herself into multiple hot robot chicks… Heineken just did a 30 second trailer for my ideal wedding night!

Which is why I got a bit pissed at Heineken when I got to the liquor store.  Turns out, they are only selling the keg part of the whole robot girl contraption.  This is false advertising!  Heineken, listen up:  send me my self-replicating hot techno robot bride or you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.

I must fess up that conservation is my heartstring issue, so I will shamelessly promote this stuff if I find even the faintest of ties to the marketing realm.  But I have to give design props to the National Resources Defense Council’s new website.

What with the Web 2.0 hype, so many designers are just going waay overboard.  You don’t always need the website equivalent of a 5am Vegas suite sex orgy with midgets and donkeys.  Sometimes clean, simple design wins the day.  NRDC is all about preserving our waters and forests;  so go figure, their site is a soothing mix of blues and greens.  And instead of tons of links on the front page, they boil it down to the essence of their organization:  current campaigns, victories, donations, registration, and how to spread the word.

Oh, and right now they’ve got nice money shot of a whale, for those of you into whale porn… mmmm… whaaale pooorn.  So check out the site.. and damn it, do something while you’re at it!  { </soapbox> }

Let’s just put this banner in the “Whoops!” category…

Yes, I realize it says “Use less”.  But come on, that’s just 5 white space pixels from being “Useless”, not exactly a word you want associated with what you’re selling.  What’s sad is, I doubt this is one that just slipped by the editors.  No, I bet they looked at it and thought, “Hmm… could this be misread?   Naaaaah!”

Wrong answer.  Ya know, you could have made it all go away with some capitalization:  “Do More.  Use Less.”  Wasn’t that easy?  Morons.

And no, Chevy, this is not just one guy’s opinion!

Thanks to Jiraiya NamPla for the insight on this one.

Pretty simple concept, but pretty damned funny anyway.. here’s a recent ad for PostBank. 

I think it came out about 8 months ago actually, but I’m sure most of you haven’t seen it yet if you’re a fellow Yank.  Given the subprimes and derivatives mess we’re in, it’s oh so a-propos!

Kudos to the marketers for Always Maxis, and their latest ad.  I’m sure women just love having their vaginas likened to a large, potentially dangerous object in an amusement park.  Yes, what better metaphor than something whose sole purpose is to twist, turn, and flip upside-down, providing cheap thrills to the entire general public, who can ride 30-at-a-time… so long as they have the money for admission.  Well done, Always.  How about signing on Charlie the Tuna as spokesman while you’re at it?

Thanks to Stuart for the find.