Sprint has some gorgeous new spots airing right now for their “Ahead” campaign.  Check out the post over at Transbuddha to see the spots and learn a little about how they were made.  Evidently it’s an art style called “lightning doodle”, which was invented by the owners of a site called Pika Pika (I wouldn’t bother visiting it - the site is pretty lacking in info/nav).  Not a whole lot of detail on the process there - something having to do with lights, stop-motion, long-exposure photography, and fetal pig blood… I think.

Anyway, Sprint has latched onto the art form and built a website (above pic) and tv spots around it.  Just another example of web virals bleeding over into traditional media.  Now, if Sprint just spent a little less time filming art fags* running around with flashlights in a park, and a bit more time on delivering good customer service and a reliable network.. why hell, they just have a product worth buying.

I live in KC - the world headquarters for Sprint, and I hear their coverage still sucks (I ditched them years ago).  I do not claim to have any expertise regarding mobile phone business strategy.  But christ, I would think that a mobile network provider would at least want to ensure near-perfect coverage in the city of their World F’ing Headquarters.  I mean come on, that’s just a matter of pride.  If I were to advertise myself as a master landscape artist, you’d better believe I’d have a goddamned Miagi garden in my backyard.  “Holy shit!  Is that an indoor/outdoor koi pond?!”  “Yep.  Here’s my card.”

Oh and while we’re at it, let’s have a look at the KC-local Sprint advertising (right).  “Oh, I get it!  Kansas City is known for barbecue and barbecue has lots of sauce on it and I live in Kansas City!  Sprint is really appealing to me as a Kansas Citian!  Sprint gets me!”  Fucking retards.  

* I dig artists.  I have gay friends.  But damn it, “art fag” is such a funny term to me.  So indulge me.

Introducing the new Washlet ass-washing system by Toto. Is this what they meant by “missing the rains down in Africa?”

Something similar to the above is actually running in Times Square right now.  Kickass! (I honestly didn’t mean that pun)

What is a Washlet, you ask?  As far as I can tell, it’s a modernized bidet.  It shoots a “warm, aerated jet” of water at your ass.  I can’t imagine myself using that functionality, but I guess they’ve sold 17 million worldwide, so someone likes it.  Oh wait a sec.. I’m just now reading that it will also shoot a gentle jet of water onto “external genitalia”.  Sign me up!!  Hell, this is how they should be selling it!  “The Washlet shoots a warm, massaging stream of water on your balls or clit, taking #2’s to amazing new heights of pleasure.  Be sure to try out our “vibrating tongue” model! … oh yeah, and it’ll wash your ass if you want.”  Christ, Toto, give me a call.  I’ll have your product flying off the shelves!

I’m not sure yet what to make of the ad campaign.  I mean, there is no better way to get people’s attention than to show two-story tall asses in Times Square, so they’ve definitely got the attention-getting aspect down.  But smiley-faces?  Is that the best they could do?  Put smiley faces on people’s asses?  It just looks weird.  Doesn’t the ass crack running through the smile kinda look like a cleft lip?  And then the bottom of the ass-cheeks are like some strange below-the-mouth handlebar moustache.  Maybe they could team up with BK’s awesome new moustache campaign and do some cross promotions.  “BK and Washlet - we’ve got you covered from end to end!”

I love the site though.  You’re greeted by a quick montage of asses, along the lines of a video slot machine or Press Your Luck.  “Big asses!  Big asses!  No whammies!  STOP!”  Then comes the meet-and-greet with the asses’ owners.  And boy are they happy to meet you!  By far my favorite is fifth from the left (not in terms of asses, mind you), with his “How ya doin’?”  Just the way he says it, like “How ya doin?  Dja see my ass just now?  Yeah?  Cool.”

Then you have the Questions section, with such gems as “Does anything touch me?  I mean, I’m a Christian!” (ok, I added a bit to that), “Can the seat get so hot it can burn me?”, “Is the Washlet okay if you have hemorrhoids?”, and my personal favorite, “Where did the Washlet come from?”  Well, in 1949 an alien craft crashed near Roswell, NM.  The government quickly dismissed it as a “weather balloon”, but soon after, ex-employees of the nearby Area 51 reported strange objects on the base’s toilets, with ass-cleaning technology that was “out-of-this-world”.

I’m getting really fucking long-winded here - I apologize.  And I’m sure I could go on and on, but you lucked out - the site seems to be malfunctioning right now and I can’t see the flash content.  Perhaps the site’s just too busy at the moment…  You want this joke or shall I take it?… yes, their asses are getting pounded!  So I’ll wrap this up by sharing something I learned from the site: the rather degrading international symbol for “old people” (see right).  Fantasstic!

I’m digging on the new series of spots by Burger King for their Western Whopper.  Here’s the “sorority blondes” one.

Burger King has just been rockin’ it for a couple years now with their advertising.  McDonald’s goes for gay-ass family-oriented stuff that is utterly tame - I’m trying to think of a McDonald’s spot right now and can’t come up with even one.  They are that forgettable.  Well, I guess they have the clown, but he’s just fucking creepy.  Does anyone else get a “pedophile vibe” from Ronald McDonald?  I expect Chris Hansen to walk in on those commercials at any moment.

Anyway, for awhile BK was lock-step with them - but then came The King!  He is one weird fucking dude, and the commercials have revolved around that weirdness.  And people love weird (well, I do, anyway).  The King, breaking tackles and rushing for the end zone.  The King, laying in your bed when you wake up, handing you a whopper.  The King, dancing a jig as people all over the country start growing handlebar moustaches.  Weird is good.  And memorable.  Stick with the King, BK!  I’m lovin’ it!  Umm, I mean..

Thanks (again!) to Stuart for sending the vid.

Brilliant ad by Hallmark for their new Cards With Sound series (the ”tv ad” department did a much better job than the “name this card campaign” department, don’t you think?)  - cards that have clips of popular music play when you open them (as opposed to the bleepy Casio-like cards that were so fucking annoying).

I just crack up every time I see this guy.  They would have been hard-pressed to find a guy that looked less able to pull off Hammer moves (links to original vid.. you know you want to see it again!), yet execute them so flawlessly.

This ad especially resonates with me on a personal level, as it reminds me of the “concert I’m most embarassed I went to”.  Come on.. we all have one!  Get this line-up:  MC Hammer with openers En Vogue and… (wait for it!).. Vanilla-fucking-Ice!  Yes! En Vogue can sing, and Hammer puts on a great show, so I will defend them to this day, but I got nothing for Ice. Stupidity of youth?

Quick tip to Hallmark: if you’re going to spend a lot of money and effort promoting a new product, you might want to make a clickable link on the front page of your website instead of making me conjure the fat ghost of Perry Mason to figure out where to order a damn “card with sound”.  Oh, and have them in stock. Oh, and have more than 5 to pick from

Come to think of it, Hallmark is really fucking up this campaign! But great commercial, guys.

Of course! Just after I get done taking a small pot shot at Budweiser for having ads that are funny just for funny’s sake, they go out and create a beautiful piece of work like Swear Jar (from their Bud.TV site) .

Maybe it’s just me, but I really think you have to steer a commercial towards your product.  Just the other day while helping my Dad on his new house, he did something dumb that almost sent him tumbling off a 20 foot drop-off (Dad almost kills himself or a member of the family pretty much every weekend we’re out there.. this blog may be short-lived).  Anyway, I start singing that “Woo-hoo!  Woo-hoo-hoo!” like from the Vonage ads where people are doing stupid shit.  His reply: “Oh yeah, I love those commercials.  What are those for?”

If people don’t remember your commercial and link it with what you’re selling, what’s the point?  Bud has been guilty of this in the past, but Swear Jar is on the money.  Very funny, and everyone in the ad is working toward the common goal of enjoying a Bud Light.  The ad is almost compelling enough to make me forget that Bud Light tastes like piss.

Thanks to Inna A. for the link!

Sorry for the short hiatus, all.  Weekends are generally my time to catch up on posting, and my parents are now laying claim to them for free labor as they build their new house.  When your mother pulls the “I was in labor for {fill-in-the-blank} hours delivering you, not to mention subsequent back surgeries due to the pregnancy!” card, what can one possibly rebut with, honestly?  Absolutely nothing - you man up and grab a pneumatic nailer… and then shoot it at your little brother. :)

I was sent this ad quite awhile ago, but I have to post it anyway.  It’s just so well done, and I have yet to see it on TV so maybe it’ll be new to you.  Here’s Tiger Beer’s ‘Tasted it in this life’ spot.

This spot is great on a few counts.  First, there are no words - you can play this spot in any country without a reshoot.  Second, it’s culturally clever, playing into the Buddhist reincarnation belief.  This spot was made by a New Zealand ad agency, but I could see this really being a popular throughout Asia.  Show Jesus coming back to Earth for a Tiger Beer and US consumers would go apeshit, but Buddhists generally have a better sense of humor about things!  And lastly, this spot is humor that reinforces the product.  I love those Budweiser “Real Men of Genius” ads, but they have nothing to do with the product.  Showing a cat willing to stick his paw in a light socket to get some Tiger Beer, now that’s effective.

So, Buddha blessings to Saatchi & Saatchi’s New Zealand office for an ad well done.

Durex has a great campaign going on right now with their “ProposeTheRing.com”.  Great commercial and website tie-in.  As to how good the product is, don’t know.  Mine are on order… but this isn’t a product review site anyway. :)

Ads from the contraceptive and sex toy industry must be a lot of fun to make.  I mean, with other products (Eclipse gum, anyone?), ad agencies must always weigh their desires to go a bit risque against the possible backlash from the “Moral Majority” - you know, the ones responsible for our young men and women dying in Iraq, US refusal to sign the Kyoto protocol, and our crushing national budget deficit - the “good, values-centered” people of this great nation.

Fortunately, the sex industry is free from this worry.  “Good, values-centered” women probably have husbands who also ”walk in His Light”, which means strapping on a vibrating cock ring is out of the question.  (This massive wave of sexual frustration throughout our Heartland and South probably explains why these women are waiting for their treasures in the next life, eh?)

The ProposeTheRing.com website is really well done and worth a look.  On the one hand you have this classy looking design with your typical blue-blood-diamond-commercial classical music in the background.  Juxtaposed to that, though, is this ridiculous-sounding guy (Gunther the Tra-la-la guy?) making smarmy comments as you click.  Oh yeah, and the site’s about a cock ring.  So I suppose that might serve to “juxtapose” as well.  Bringing it all together is some brilliantly done copy.

I unfortunately can’t find a digital version of the ad.  If anyone has it, please send.  However, I did find a stand-in that will serve a dual purpose.  I’m in hopes that it not only stands in for the ProposeTheRing one (the two are actually quite similar), but also serve as evangelist-repellant.  This site has unfortunately become a bit infested as of late.  I really don’t know why.  So I’m hoping this much more over-the-top ad and pics of cock rings will serve as a sort of “Deep Woods Off”!

I’ve heard more than once how certain esteemed business schools have their students read books such as Art of War (<–click for gayness) and The Book of Five Rings (<– psst!  More gayness!) so as to learn how to properly vanquish their future business rivals.  I’m sure Miyamoto and Sun would have a good laugh at this notion, were they alive today.  For on the continuum of courage/honor/manliness, “bushido warrior” and “Harvard Business School graduate” are pretty close to defining the opposing endpoints.  But alas, every person or group seeks to validate itself by any means necessary.  In other words, Harvard profs are spreading on the bullshit.  Thick.  Perhaps they should also be handing out the “philosophical treatise”, On Bullshit by Harry D. Frankfurt.

Business schools are full of shit, but generally possess no self-awareness of that fact.  We of the marketing industry, however, we know better!  Say it proud!  “We are full of shit!”  That may have a negative connotation to many, but I don’t mean to speak of it in that manner.  Let’s face it, our 4th grade social studies teachers taught us that all humans need are food, clothing, and shelter.  And in certain climates (or in nudist colonies), one could even make the case that all we need is food.  So where does that leave the advertiser who’s trying to boost sales of his clients’ hi-def televisions, GPS maps, and Elmo dolls?  Why, spreading on the bullshit, of course.

On Bullshit is brilliant in its autology - not only is it on the subject of bullshit, it is bullshit.  In the book, Dr. Frankfurt (yeah, he’s an actual Doctor of Philosophy) is doing what the Brits refer to as “taking a piss”:  relaying information that borders on the credible, in hopes that wankers like the aforementioned business school students and this reviewer actually believe it, thus making for a great joke for the rest of us.  From the review:

Having a bachelors degree in philosophy [ed: read, “I am a bullshit artist”] I was intrigued…  this is a work of philosophy and as such has a degree of intellectual humor. Some of the observations and comments are funny but overall this is not a joke book, rather it is designed with a specific philosophical purpose… (he’s an “ivy league” Philosophy Professor and published by Princeton)
-Pedram Agharokh

Gotcha, bitch!

I’m starting to ramble as usual, so I’ll sum this up.  The world is simply full of bullshit.  Everyone’s guilty.  And nowhere moreso than in business and marketing.  I still remember conference calls from my ad agency days, being on the phone with an irate client over some minor website problem.  And all I wanted to say was, “Dude, get ahold of yourself.  You sell burgers.“  Dr. Frankfurt’s book is a good read in that, although it’s not “real”, it nevertheless drives home some very real points, and between the lines seems to question the reader, “Hey, are you aware that you and I are both full of it?”  I mean, how awesome is this (from the book):  “I propose to begin the development of a theoretical understanding of bullshit, mainly by providing some tentative and exploratory philosophical analysis.”  Total bullshit.  Brilliant.

So, to marketers:  read the book.  Keep some perspective and have a laugh.  To Pedram Agharokh and the graduating class of Harvard Business School:  I wish you a successful and fulfilling career in the burger industry.

  Can you say, “Management Material”?

Tania Derveaux wants your vote for (Belgian) Senate.  No, I mean really wants your vote..

Upon hearing a challenger promise 400,000 new jobs for Belgium once elected, Ms. Derveaux called “bullshit” and opted to make her own outrageous claim: forty thousand blowjobs over the course of 500 days.  Outstanding!  Obviously a joke, but I’ll give her credit for “selling” the fantasy with an official “Terms of {ahem} ’service’ “ page, which may go down as the funniest TOS I’ve ever read (just an excerpt follows):

Description of Services
The Services consist of Tania performing fellatio on selected individuals who have requested the Services through this form. Travel and other expenses will be covered by NEE…  We adhere to high standards of service but due to time limitations each performance can last no longer than 5 minutes, no exceptions will be made under any circumstance.

General Requirements and Rules of Conduct

Any attempt to influence the depth of insertion by the user will
result in immediate end of service

Tania may deny service for hygiene reasons

 

Now, apart from the inherent and timeless Coolness of a beautiful woman offering blowjobs for votes, I have to commend the printwork of her entire campaign.  Some really provocative (no, not just sexually), artistic pics.  See here for the full, high-res collection.

Beautiful, funny, artistic, politically savvy, and probably has one hell of a sexy accent - I would sooo marry this girl…well, assuming the “40,000 blowjobs” thing is a joke.  I mean, talk about awkwardness at company picnics:

Me:  “Rick, I’d like you to meet my wife–”

Rick: “Tania!!  How are you?!  Congratulations on your win!”

Tania: “Rick..Rick.. oh yeah!  “30,145″!  Good to see you!”

Btw, anyone who knows me or has even read a few posts on this site does not even have to wonder as to whether or not I signed up for a blowie.  I’ll be sure to keep you updated on fulfillment of the TOS.

Found at AdRants

“May the Lord bless and keep the marketing team of Eclipse gum, forever and ever.. amen!”

Why do I love Eclipse gum so much?  Because they just went bi- !

Let me explain.  I love bisexual women.  If you are male, I realize this is like saying “I like food”.  But I take it a step further.  I will only date bisexual women.  I will one day only marry bisexual women.

This preference obviously limits my dating pool.  That’s where this commercial comes in.  Ads are not just a reflection of our culture - they steer it.  And I’m not talking just catch phrases (I still here dumbfucks using “Whasssaaaaap!”).  Starting  1 1/2 - 2 years ago, ad campaigns for all kinds of products started showing unattractive men married to good-looking women (don’t believe me?  Pay attention for the next couple weeks - it’s a conspiracy I tell ya!).  Not insanely hot women, but certainly way out of the guys’ leagues.  Well, I’ve seen a noticeable upswing of “unbalanced” couples (this was a very scientific study) in public.  It’s as if the commercials have sanctioned women dating down physically.  I am not the only one to have noticed this - my ex-gf was always commenting on it. (I’d be interested to know if any of you have noticed this where you live)

And now we have the Eclipse commercial.  Girl eyes another girl’s guy.  Girl goes over and kisses guy.  Girlfriend turns to confront girl, realizes girl is hot and has naughty thought.  Fill-in-your-own-denouement! 

Ladies, you are once again being courted.  First, it was by the “date down” movement.  And now, to “explore your feelings” toward your fellow women.  And this commercial is soooo perfect as the opening salvo.  Like a first-timer in a threesome, it’s all about making her feel comfortable.  In this case, the American public is the new girl, and Eclipse is just giving you a light shoulder rub… ease out that tension!  The waters of the new conspiracy are being tested!

Ad guys, the water’s fine!  Bring on the bisexuals!  Let us answer the call.  Let us be… the Greatest Generation! :)

Ad found at Dhadm