I am so glad someone has started putting these commercials on YouTube (so that I can in turn steal them and put them on my own site).  I’ve wanted to comment on these ever since seeing them months and months ago.  Have a look at an ad for the Jiiiiitterbug!  {stupid music} Jiiiiiitterbug! cell phone for senior citizens.

I’m sure she’d be ok with the regular phone with bigger buttons, but if I gave that 3-button jobby to my grandmother, she would probably beat me with it.  Then toss me the phone and say "Just press the bottom button, dear!  Jiiiitterbug!"

My grandma is closing in on 80, and she seems to be doing just fine on her plain ol’, standard issue "young people’s" model (my quotes, not what she calls it).  I mean, am I the only one that finds this phone and ad a little demeaning?  And I truly love this: they top it off with older folks (a lot of them don’t even look all that old!) in the commercial being stereotypically crotchety.  "And it’s not bogged down with a gazillion features like those other phones!  Finally, a simple, fairly useless phone to match my simple, fairly useless mind!"   I mean, come on!  No one?  I can’t speak for my future, 80-year-old self, but I would be pissed! 

With the artistic help of a friend, I’ve decided to really dispense with the bullshit and bring Jitterbug’s point home to the senior citizenry.  I present you the Jitterbug Adchops model:

Now hurry up and die already!

My new favorite commercial - Bud Light now delivers the ability to understand animals.

 Bud Light just nails it, ad after ad (Swear Jar, anyone?).  Down to every detail - the dog with the slightly "proper British" accent, the facial expressions of the owner.. just awesome.

As I’ve said before, Bud Light has delivered so many great ads, I am almost compelled to buy their miserable-tasting swill just to say "Thank You"…. almost. In fact, Bud Light, I promise you this: next good commercial I see and I will buy a 24 pack of your product. I will probably then give it away to strangers and immediately purchase some good German brew.. but it’s the thought that counts, right? In fact, I’ll up the ante. While we’re on the subject of sports and marketing, I just went over to the Phoenix Suns new virtual locker room thingy. I’m digging it, but if you could convince them to get rid of the fucking ape and replace it with Sausage Dog, hell, I’ll throw a party and stock it with Bud Light kegs. Get to it, Bud Light brass!

btw, my server’s getting killed by you all right now, so my apologies if there’s a bit of delay in the load

Just saw this ad last night for the first time and had to watch it a few times.  I’m not even sure what the hell it’s for!  Something for EA sports games on the Wii called "Family Play".  Is this simply multi-player functionality?

Anyway, confusion of what’s being sold aside, the commercial is stellar.  Kudos on the authenticity of the "NFL Films announcer guy", and for a great acting job by the grandma.  I absolutely hate ads where they try to use cute babies to push product, but for some reason I love it when they use cute ol’ grannies.  I prefer to have logical consistency in most things… haven’t sorted this one out yet.  Any hypotheses are welcome. :)

Been a busy week, yo!  Sorry for not keeping up.  I’m still a bit taxed, but thought I’d at least draw your attention to something I’ve been having a laugh at over at DHADM.  Not the commercial.  The ad is from the "Verizon Wireless Slightly Annoying Nerd" series, and (as is typical of that entire campaign) is a yawner.

But my GAWD, the comments section!  People are going absolutely chimp-shit (why should apes get all the glory?) over the use of the miniature pony in the ad.  A couple gems:

The American Miniature Horse in this commercial is not a good representation of the breed….Our horse rides in elevators in nursing homes, has ridden in our Jeep Cherokee to get to her events and has been called the ambassador to the miniature horse breed….  -DJ Pullis

 

….DJ do quit taking yourself so seriously.  BTW, I’m in the market for a miniature horse and your farm is now off the list.  -Skeeziks

 

This add is not funny or entertaining…..Even a dog should not be confined by a rope or chain.  The thought that a horse would be confined in this mannner is ludicrous!  It sets an ignorant tone for the amazing American Miniature Horse.   -Peggy L Price

 

Mini or not, it is not safe to put a reasonably large equid inside a vehicle.  -Skeeziks  (glad you told me this before this weekend, Skeeziks!)

 

When a kid with cancer who has lost all her hair can run up to a mini and just give it a hug around its neck and the mini accepts it quietly with patience and love, you know something special is happening.   When a student who is struggling with learning disabilities and his/her social skills opens up because they touched a miniature horse, you never know how far the student will go from there….  -DJ Pullis

 

This is a terrible commercial. When you let a miniature horse chew on things such as doghouses, it ruins the meat. Minihorse meat is DELICIOUS, especially when prepared “traditional” style with an apple glaze.   - ok, this one was me. :)

People, don’t deprive yourself 5 minutes of laughs at the expense of these goobers (myself included in said goobers).  Oh and in case you’ve never seen it, the best Verizon commercial EVER never made it to TV.

While trying to balance your hectic life as wife, mother, and enterprising businesswoman, how do you appease your insatiable appetite for Nando Chicken?  Patches just won’t do!  Try Nando Fix Gum!

This ad is at least 6 months old, but my god is this commercial awesome.  Reason #215 why Aussies are cooler than we are.

I am very hesitant to ever say the phrase "That is the most {adjective} {noun} I have ever {sensory verb}!!"  You know - "funkiest song I’ve ever heard!!", "hottest girl I’ve ever seen!!", etc.

I don’t even mitigate such sentences with "might" or "could" as a general rule.  But I am telling you right now, this French commercial for Orangina might be the most fucked-up-crazy advertisement I’ve ever seen!!"  (I’m posting this at great risk of becoming the #1 Ad-blog destination for Furries the world over.)

Oh, to have been an anthropomorphized, dancing fig-leaf-wearing fly-on-the-wall when the ad execs pitched this to Orangina:

Ad Exec:  Ok, so we open up in a forest with a doe on a swing, with a tremendous rack.

Client:  Female deer don’t have racks.

AE:  No, I mean tits.  Great tits.

C:  What?  The deer has -?

AE:  - And then this bear takes her Orangina and she, like, falls into these rose petals, just like in American Beauty!

C:  Umm.. o…kay…

AE:  Boom!  We’re now in a forest strip club!  Flamingoes and octopus women are dancing on poles while the bear and his friends look on.  Lap dances ensue.

C:  Wait, what?!  Flamingoes and octopuses are -

AE:  With great tits!

C:  What?

AE:  The flamingo and octopus girls.  They have great tits, too!  In fact, just assume that all the female creatures in this scenario have great tits unless I specify otherwise.  So anyway, the deer does a little burlesque show capped off by that one FlashDance scene where Jennifer Beals does the bucket of water thing.

(one of the female clients gets up and leaves)

Dancing!  General mayhem!  Girl zebras riding Orangina bottles ’til their raw make their caps explode, getting the wet, sticky stuff everywhere!  An octopus-girl squeezes her orangey-tits and looks heavenward in orgasmic delight!

C:  …

AE:  {jazz hands} Orangina! 

C:  Call your coke-dealer.  We’re hitting the strip clubs.

Seriously though, mouth-dropping strangeness aside, it really is a beautifully done advertisement.  The concept is out of this fucking world; the artistry is top-notch.  I will never understand this ad.  But I love it!  And if you, fair visitor, happen to be the creative director behind this gem, I have got to party with your crew some weekend!

And for you loyal readers who indulged me this far, check out the commercial in Hi-Def!

Hoooooooleeeeee Sheeeeaatttt!  Check out this ad for Canada’s Prevent-It PSA Campaign!  Are ya kidding me?  Go, Canada!

I really can’t imagine these ads airing in the States, where a citizen’s proclivity for writing a protest letter to a TV network is directly proportional to their likelihood of speaking in tongues this Sunday.  But my god are they good ads.  For some reason, I can’t help but laugh a little when she gets greased.  Is it just me?

Oh, and why are the people in them speaking with American accents?

Here are two more in the series:  Construction Blast and Ladder Fall.  Sure, lady. It was the ladder’s fault.

Apparently, someone caught up with Ben Curtis, the "Dude, you’re getting a Dell" guy and found that he is now a waiter at a place called Tortilla Flats in New York.  The campaign was canceled after he was arrested for buying weed.  I’m not sure which is more sad:

1.  That a nationally known commercial actor is now asking whether you would like hot or mild sauce with your chimichanga.

2.  That some reporter actually woke up one morning and thought, "I wonder what the Dell dude is doing nowadays?"…  And then actually followed through with it!  The background research, interview preparation, plane ticket to NY, et ceterahh, et ceterahh.

3.  Or, that I found it worthwhile to cover second-hand.

I found Dell dude and the whole campaign more than a little annoying, but who really pisses me off is Dell.  Dell, you made a casting call for the person that could most convincingly deliver the word "Dude" in a sentence.  Did you not consider the possibility that the winner was a pothead??  It would be like Fox kicking Paris off Simple Life after the sex tape came out.  Did they?  No!  They already knew she was a dirty lil whore (I mean that in a good way)!  Taking it from behind while chatting with friends on the phone is her thing.  People saying "Dude" - well, smoking pot is their thing.

Wise up, Dell.

btw, I went ahead and Google-mapped Tortilla Flats.  Better hurry if you want him to wait on you.  His "band has been given the green light"!

Hello, good citizens!  It has been a couple months since my last posting.  I am afraid that, despite my words of caution, I got pretty heavily addicted to Silpada.  Just started out as a little dabbling on the weekends.. you know, a quick rush… a "ladies night out having fun with jewelry".  But then I was doing Silpada on weekdays, missing work.. it was getting bad.  When I missed my brother’s 30th birthday party because "I’m at a Silpada party and just can’t get away", I knew I was in too deep and needed help.

I’m in rehab and doing better.  I’ll admit, there are times when I see some big jangly silver contraption on a 40-something woman’s wrist and think, "god damn it, I need to throw a party!"  But the cravings are fewer and farther between now.

Truth be told, I just caught a bit caught up in work and such.. I hope to start posting a bit more.  And why not start with an ad that I think is pretty damned cool.  The new "Training Day" spot by Nike.

Why is this so cool?  For one, Steve Nash.  To tell the truth, that’s really the reason I’m posting this.  Don’t get me wrong, the ad is pretty good in its own right, but I’ve happened across some Nash articles here and there lately and I gotta say, this guy is The Shit.

In the modern sports world of murdering dogs, beating wives, and sex parties (… well, two out of the three are bad, anyway!), it is so damned refreshing to hear about a guy that has a Zen philosophy about fame, puts team before self, and organizes charity tournaments half way around the world to help children.  Great Nash quote from one of the articles:

He is totally uninterested in being a celebrity, calling it something “to distract the bored from their nothingness.”

Oh, and although he is a pro basketball player, he has a healthy respect for the world’s most Beautiful Game: soccer.  You’ll see that showcased in the ad.

I have some Nikes on order and I’ll admit, it was solely because of the cool iPod plug-in whizzy-bang add-ons, but after finding out they have Nash on board, I’m glad I bought ‘em!

A “tip of the hat and wag of the finger” (as Stephen Colbert would say) to Heineken’s new DraughtKeg ad with the robot girl dispensing beer.  First, the accolades:  this commercial has all the right stuff - a nice cold keg of good (well, decent) beer, techno music, eery lighting effects, and a hot robot chick that can turn herself into multiple hot robot chicks… Heineken just did a 30 second trailer for my ideal wedding night!

Which is why I got a bit pissed at Heineken when I got to the liquor store.  Turns out, they are only selling the keg part of the whole robot girl contraption.  This is false advertising!  Heineken, listen up:  send me my self-replicating hot techno robot bride or you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.