Apparently, someone caught up with Ben Curtis, the "Dude, you’re getting a Dell" guy and found that he is now a waiter at a place called Tortilla Flats in New York.  The campaign was canceled after he was arrested for buying weed.  I’m not sure which is more sad:

1.  That a nationally known commercial actor is now asking whether you would like hot or mild sauce with your chimichanga.

2.  That some reporter actually woke up one morning and thought, "I wonder what the Dell dude is doing nowadays?"…  And then actually followed through with it!  The background research, interview preparation, plane ticket to NY, et ceterahh, et ceterahh.

3.  Or, that I found it worthwhile to cover second-hand.

I found Dell dude and the whole campaign more than a little annoying, but who really pisses me off is Dell.  Dell, you made a casting call for the person that could most convincingly deliver the word "Dude" in a sentence.  Did you not consider the possibility that the winner was a pothead??  It would be like Fox kicking Paris off Simple Life after the sex tape came out.  Did they?  No!  They already knew she was a dirty lil whore (I mean that in a good way)!  Taking it from behind while chatting with friends on the phone is her thing.  People saying "Dude" - well, smoking pot is their thing.

Wise up, Dell.

btw, I went ahead and Google-mapped Tortilla Flats.  Better hurry if you want him to wait on you.  His "band has been given the green light"!

Hello, good citizens!  It has been a couple months since my last posting.  I am afraid that, despite my words of caution, I got pretty heavily addicted to Silpada.  Just started out as a little dabbling on the weekends.. you know, a quick rush… a "ladies night out having fun with jewelry".  But then I was doing Silpada on weekdays, missing work.. it was getting bad.  When I missed my brother’s 30th birthday party because "I’m at a Silpada party and just can’t get away", I knew I was in too deep and needed help.

I’m in rehab and doing better.  I’ll admit, there are times when I see some big jangly silver contraption on a 40-something woman’s wrist and think, "god damn it, I need to throw a party!"  But the cravings are fewer and farther between now.

Truth be told, I just caught a bit caught up in work and such.. I hope to start posting a bit more.  And why not start with an ad that I think is pretty damned cool.  The new "Training Day" spot by Nike.

Why is this so cool?  For one, Steve Nash.  To tell the truth, that’s really the reason I’m posting this.  Don’t get me wrong, the ad is pretty good in its own right, but I’ve happened across some Nash articles here and there lately and I gotta say, this guy is The Shit.

In the modern sports world of murdering dogs, beating wives, and sex parties (… well, two out of the three are bad, anyway!), it is so damned refreshing to hear about a guy that has a Zen philosophy about fame, puts team before self, and organizes charity tournaments half way around the world to help children.  Great Nash quote from one of the articles:

He is totally uninterested in being a celebrity, calling it something “to distract the bored from their nothingness.”

Oh, and although he is a pro basketball player, he has a healthy respect for the world’s most Beautiful Game: soccer.  You’ll see that showcased in the ad.

I have some Nikes on order and I’ll admit, it was solely because of the cool iPod plug-in whizzy-bang add-ons, but after finding out they have Nash on board, I’m glad I bought ‘em!

If anyone from the Dept. of Biomechanics at University of Portsmouth is reading this, I’d like to formally request an internship.

A “tip of the hat and wag of the finger” (as Stephen Colbert would say) to Heineken’s new DraughtKeg ad with the robot girl dispensing beer.  First, the accolades:  this commercial has all the right stuff - a nice cold keg of good (well, decent) beer, techno music, eery lighting effects, and a hot robot chick that can turn herself into multiple hot robot chicks… Heineken just did a 30 second trailer for my ideal wedding night!

Which is why I got a bit pissed at Heineken when I got to the liquor store.  Turns out, they are only selling the keg part of the whole robot girl contraption.  This is false advertising!  Heineken, listen up:  send me my self-replicating hot techno robot bride or you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.

Just awesome.  Deciding to dress up in cardboard helmets and red capes, then hold the line against an oncoming bus… if that’s not a stroke of genius then I don’t know what is.

I mean, look at the ridiculousness from whence she came.  I thought it was a joke at first.  I sooo want that music for my ringtone.

In case you missed it, check out the magically stereotypical and appropriate response of Miss South Carolina on the “Miss US Americans the Iraq no maps and Stuff” Pageant earlier this week.

Do I mention this because I wish to further her humiliation?  No.  Because it’s funny?  No… well, yes.  But that’s only part of it.  No, I bring it up as a reprimand to the pageants themselves.  Miss Fill-in-the-Blank Pageant, you should be ashamed of yourself!  Asking these young women to be cerebral - women who have dedicated their entire lives to mastering “no, this is not a fake smile, I’m genuinely happy!” and “tits and ass-cheek taping” technologies - is nothing less than inhumane!

Get real, guys.  I know there has been outcry in the past to get rid of the evening gown and swimsuit competitions because they are “sexist”.  Well I advocate exactly the opposite - get rid of the Q&A (and maybe the Talent competition as well, unless you narrow it down to things such as “look how flexible I am” and “things I can do with my tongue”).  People are not watching your show to find the next Grace Hopper for chrissakes!  There is a reason there is no “MIT Women’s Doctoral Dissertations Pageant”!  In fact, for the sake of honesty in marketing, you should change the names of your pageants altogether.  “Miss America” should become the “Women You’d Like to Fuck but Not Date” Pageant.  “Miss Universe” should become the “Oh My Gawwwd Miss Brazil is Fucking Smoking!” Pageant* (see pic below).  The Miss Teen USA Pageant would be more aptly named the “Young Women That You’d Like to Fuck but Ssshhh We Can’t Speak of It Because Some of Them Are Illegal, and Yet We’re Parading Them on National TV in Fucking Bathing Suits So We Know You’re Fantasizing About It Right Now.  Don’t Lie.. You Lying Liar.. You’d Totally Hit That!”… Pageant.  As an aside, isn’t it interesting that the TV channel that puts 16-year-old girls in bikinis and has them do a little spin is the same channel that airs “Catch a Predator”?

I can’t stand bullshit (except that special brand where the purveyor of said bullshit knows that the purveyee knows it’s bullshit).  I happen to think most people don’t like being bullshitted.  Miss Whatever Pageants, quit bullshitting us!  You are purveyors of soft porn.  And sometimes “barely or not quite legal” soft porn.  Need proof?  After peaking in the late 80s, TV viewership of all the pageants is in precipitous decline.  Because the women don’t do the Q&A as well as they used to?  No.  Poor selections in eveningwear?  No.  Simple.. we’re all getting our porn elsewhere.  Skinamax…the internet… why would I want my porn punctuated by commercials and Bob Barker when I have all those choices??

So if you guys want to stay in business, you better fucking Know Thyself.  And your audience.  Because asking girls to find America on a map just isn’t gonna cut it anymore.

* I was totally not kidding about Miss Brazil.  Christ on a bike she’s hot!

I must fess up that conservation is my heartstring issue, so I will shamelessly promote this stuff if I find even the faintest of ties to the marketing realm.  But I have to give design props to the National Resources Defense Council’s new website.

What with the Web 2.0 hype, so many designers are just going waay overboard.  You don’t always need the website equivalent of a 5am Vegas suite sex orgy with midgets and donkeys.  Sometimes clean, simple design wins the day.  NRDC is all about preserving our waters and forests;  so go figure, their site is a soothing mix of blues and greens.  And instead of tons of links on the front page, they boil it down to the essence of their organization:  current campaigns, victories, donations, registration, and how to spread the word.

Oh, and right now they’ve got nice money shot of a whale, for those of you into whale porn… mmmm… whaaale pooorn.  So check out the site.. and damn it, do something while you’re at it!  { </soapbox> }

Let’s just put this banner in the “Whoops!” category…

Yes, I realize it says “Use less”.  But come on, that’s just 5 white space pixels from being “Useless”, not exactly a word you want associated with what you’re selling.  What’s sad is, I doubt this is one that just slipped by the editors.  No, I bet they looked at it and thought, “Hmm… could this be misread?   Naaaaah!”

Wrong answer.  Ya know, you could have made it all go away with some capitalization:  “Do More.  Use Less.”  Wasn’t that easy?  Morons.

And no, Chevy, this is not just one guy’s opinion!

Thanks to Jiraiya NamPla for the insight on this one.

Okay, so you’re an Islamic rebel group and want to endear yourself with the non-Islamic world. Hmm.. tough crowd. But picking the right acronym is certainly a great start! I was listening to NPR this morning and heard a story on what is now my favorite rebel group - the Moro Islamic Liberation Front.   That’s right, the MILF!  Now there’s a group I can get behind! *

I was laughing out loud in my car on this one.  News anchors will generally turn the acronym for a group into its own word for brevity’s sake, as opposed to spelling out the letters.  But not this morning.  No, the newsman was careful to call them the “M”-”I”-”L”-”F” throughout the segment.  I can only hope that thousands of people like me (you know, that “smart enough to listen to NPR but still really fucking immature” demographic) were laughing simultaneously this morning as our esteemed anchor recounted the latest MILF headlines.  If I find the clip in the NPR archives, I’ll post it.  In the meantime, we can at least have some fun with the Yahoo article I found.  Evidently, the MILF has “waged a decades-long insurgency in the south Philippines.”  Awesome, because the “naughty nurse” role-play routine was getting a bit stale!

“The 12,000-strong MILF said late last year that the talks were on the brink of collapse over its demands for economic control..”  Which translates to “withholding sex because we won’t buy them that new outfit they saw last week”.

“Last month, MILF guerrillas backed by members of the..”  Stop.  You had me at “MILF guerillas”!  Hottt!

“The MILF has admitted it was behind the ambush but said it only launched the attack because the military had crossed into its territory.” … and because they didn’t appreciate the “baby weight” comment.

* Note to Bush’s Domestic Surveillance Program - I don’t actually support this group. Please don’t put me on your Terrorist Watch list.